Pilly from the Edge

Of something, I'm not sure what.  I have the flu and I can tell you, the flu is mostly composed of edges.  The edge of sleep, the edge of breathing, the edge of death, you know what I mean.  You are never actually sleeping, breathing or dead, but you feel any one of them could be close at all times.

So yesterday, in the midst of dying from the flu (I'm always sure I'm dying when I get the flu, don't panic) I had to drag my sick, sorry, old, put upon and mistreated self out of bed in the freezing cold and drive to town to see the judge.

I like the Judge, he's a gentleman, and lord knows I hope he stays the judge forever and enjoys perfect health to the end of his greatly extended life.  It's just that I don't feel that way about the District Attorney, who has now managed to make Jacob both my brother and my husband as well as being my son, and frankly, I resent the implication that Dad and I had children.

Which is the only way Jacob can be both my brother and my son, I still have not figured out how they managed to get us married.  Of course, if the District Attorney can claim to produce such miracles as the bilocation of human beings, what's a small matter like incestuous marriage?  Piece of cake, I'm sure.

Also, while I love my dad with all my heart and soul and have admired him greatly since I first had memories, which was about the age of two, I assure you I never wanted to have his children and he never wanted to have any with me, either.

Well, there was that whole cloning debate where I toyed with the idea of how cool it would be to get to give birth to and raise one of your parents through the miracle of cloning.  But we decided it would never work because Dad would just follow me around telling me I was raising him all wrong and God knows  how he might turn out with both of us either spoiling him or arguing about his discipline, so we gave up the idea altogether.

At any rate, Jacob is just my son, not my husband and not my brother.  No matter how confused the District Attorney might be, it's really fairly simple.  Even when you consider that if I am married to my brother, and that brother is also my father, then my father needs to have fathered both me and himself, which is a neat trick.  Never mind how incestous that would be, I'm fairly sure it involves time travel, and had we figured that out we would simply have gone back a year and stopped all of it before it happened.

We might even have gone back far enough to stop the District Attorney's mother from ever conceiving him and all of this would be moot.

So, anyway, that's why I didn't wear a mask in court to contain my flu germs.  Because I did so hope I'd get to see the District Attorney, and possibly shake his hand.  The opportunity to give him a kiss would have been ideal, but the circumstances didn't allow so I just coughed in his direction repeatedly and hoped a lot.

You're asking, what about the rest of the people?  Aren't you?  Well, war is hell and collateral damage and everything.  And I hoped God would protect them.  And I notice no one had any tender sensiblities when I was collateral damage and I'm sick of being the only one with a conscience, thank you very much Vernon County.

I have a new policy, it's called see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil, so don't expect me to ever be a witness to, for, or about anything ever again.  If somebody decides to hold a massacre in the street in front of my house I plan to pull the shades and go to bed.  If it wears a uniform it can stay right the hell off my porch.  I have already informed the children that if I am dying of a heart attack and they call 911, I will disinherit them.

They can drive me to the hospital or they can let me die right there on the floor, what they may NOT do is call anyone likely to be reached at 911.

Not counting Bob the town Constable (and his lovely wife) whom I still love.  I would help him with anything and he is always allowed in the house provided he is not accompanied by anyone else in a uniform.

So anyway, I got a fine.   It costs exactly $100.00 to obstruct justice, just so you know.  And I had a lovely visit with the judge, who asked me repeatedly did I understand everything, and frequently tried to explain things to me, til I finally just gave up to the buzzing in my ears the fever was causing and answered yes to everything.

And then they let me go home to bed, thank God.

So there you are, the end of Pilly's experience with a life of crime and all of it's consequences and the next time I tell a lie I'm just going to confession and giving the hundred dollars to the church.

And may I strongly encourage you to do likewise.  When somone cleans house over there to the DA's office, we can go back to doing our civic duty.  Until then, refuse to be intimidated.