A Few Minor Details

I was feeling a little depressed earlier and when I get like that I like to read over that whole criminal complaint thing, on account of it reminds me of a few things I want to be sure and include in my suicide note, and so even though I was going to save this until the matter had been officially settled, there are one or two things I would like to make sure the District Attorney is aware of before we actually get to court.

At no point, for instance, have I ever been married to my brother.  Although the official charges do state that at one point I am apparently married to my brother, Jim.  I would like to point out that I don't have a brother Jim.  In fact, unless my father has new information he would like to share with mother and I, I'm fairly sure I have no brothers at all.

And if I did have a brother, I would like to state for the historical record that I would not, at any time, marry him.  I was willing to go to Tennessee to marry my cousin, and while I completely understand that not everyone understands our choice to marry, the fact remains that unless father got up to some didoes with my Aunt and then failed to mention it, my husband is not my brother.

If the District Attorney (on the advice of the deputy) has any remaining doubts about the matter, I will be quite happy to submit to DNA analysis, but I think he should have to pay for it, I can't even afford an attorney, and anyway I am not the one who seems to have some confusion as to the exact relationship I bear to my husband.

Then there is the matter of my taking the rifle to my brother, Jim.  Once again, let me state that I do not have a brother Jim,  Nor do I have a brother Dave, although he also appears in the story.  I don't have a brother at all, and furthermore, I wouldn't marry that brother either, if indeed I had a brother.  And I don't.  Unless, of course, father got up to some didoes with his brother's wife a couple of times and, once again, failed to mention it.

Also, while I would like to agree that the accusing authority figures are "truthful and reliable"  I feel compelled to point out that they have me married to my brother Jim and delivering a gun to my brother Jim, and since I have no brothers and certainly would not marry one if I had, exactly how truthful and reliable can we reasonably believe them to be?

I am willing to allow that an otherwise truthful and reliable person could make a mistake, but frankly, if I'm not allowed to make a mistake, I think it is only fair that somebody charge the person who wrote up the report and made the accusations and delivered the complaint because marrying someone to their nonexistant brother is, I think we can agree, a mistake of epic proportions and with grave and far reaching potential consequences.

I think it's illegal to marry one's brother, I think whoever wrote the report might have noticed that it was unlikely I was married to my brother, and if they could miss a mistake that ridiculous how reliable can one reasonably expect the rest of the report to be?

And then there is the small (but important) matter of which of my sons was actually involved in the incident.  The complaint mentions two of them by name, sometimes in the same sentence.  I would like to point out that they cannot both be married to Amanda.

In fact, Jason's wife may take exception to being told her husband was married to his sister-in-law on October 5, apparently at the same time as he was married to her and fathering the baby she's having any minute now.

Of course, if I can be married to my brother, I'm sure that there is no reason a couple of my sons can't have two or three wives at the same time.  In fact, maybe they trade off every second Tuesday, just to keep life interesting.

Here again, we run into that whole truthful and reliable issue. 

I'm going to spare you the entire account of the interview with my daughter-in-law, except to just say that there are a few things that violate the laws of physics.  I realize that no one can force a person to adhere to the laws of physics, but defying them tends to result in things that can only have occured via an act of God, and unless the Pope has been here and authenticated a couple of miracles no one told me about, there's a big question of truthful and reliable there, as well.

I already told the judge I lied to the officer, I'm pretty sure there's no doubt in anyone's mind about that.  The only thing still undetermined is why I lied and since no one has asked me, why should I tell anyone?  If anyone ever does think to ask me, I will be quite happy to tell them exactly how and why I came to tell a lie to a police officer.

I have long since passed beyond the point where I care at all what happens to me next.  I have a good contingency plan should things go badly awry in the courtroom.  I feel confident that I have allowed for all the possibilities.  I have, as they say, set my affairs in order.

I would like to remind you of what happens when we put bullies in positions of authority and allow them to set an example for our children.  Some people made just that mistake in 1939 and before they were able to rectify their mistake, roughly eleven million people had been murdered by the people most of them had believed were there to protect and serve them.

A bully can yell long enough and loud enough to make you say anything to shut him up and get him off your porch, but I don't know as I would sign my name to anything that described his ensuing report as truthful or reliable.

Refuse to be silenced, never go quietly and always be willing to suffer for what you believe to be right.